Failed Plans

Proverbs 16:9 The mind of man plans his way,
But the LORD directs his steps.

Schedules.  Lists.  Charts.  Calendars. My adrenaline is flowing from just typing those delightful words!  Yes, I have always been magnetically drawn to these tools of organization.  Somehow they bring feelings of security and safety to the unsafe and unpredictable homeschooling lifestyle that has been ours for as long as I can remember. Which isn't really saying much, since I can't even remember what I had for breakfast. Anyway, somehow I manage to convince myself every August that if I get everything planned out on paper down to the last detail, there is little room for failure.  It's probably just me (I'm sure that you, my darling fellow homeschooler, don't deal with this), but usually within a week, and more likely within a few days, I see that my plan did not and will not flow as smoothly as I had anticipated.  Actually, practically every year, I have to tear up the plan, re-evaluate, and start again at the old drawing board at least a few times before I finally come to a point of having a reasonable and even workable plan for my day to day life as a homeschooling mom and for my amazing children.  In my mind, that's crazy!  You would think that I would finally just have it figured out and each year, it would just come together.  After all, I'm no newbie at this! 

I remember one year, after I had everyone's schedules including mine all on one sheet of paper, my face just beamed from satisfaction of a well-laid plan.  I was so proud of my attention to detail.  I had every student occupied at all times with myself going through a rotation so as to give each the one on one attention and tutoring that they would need for the year. It was all in there. Grooming time, creative play time, even P.E. for heaven's sake!  After perusing the freshly printed schedule posted on the refrigerator for all eyes to feast upon, one of my angelic sons commented, "Mom, you know that after two weeks this will be obsolete, right?" Aaah!!!  How disheartening!  But I have to admit that his prophecy was fulfilled in about the time span he predicted.

So what is the use?  What hope do I have?  Will I always be striving for the unattainable?  Speaking for myself (since I'm the only one who goes through this, I'm sure, dear reader), I have  learned and am continuing to discover that the Lord directs my steps.  As I allow my schedule to "flex" and as I perk my ears to hear the Spirit of God who wants to lead me in each learning decision and academic detour of the day, I find measures of success and have peace and even hopping joy at times in the midst of my unpredictable life.  I witness real depth of learning taking place in myself and my student as we move into the rhythms of life, learning from the planned and the unplanned opportunities set before us. The stress levels drop as I relax and realize that just because it's written down, doesn't mean that it absolutely has to be done or the sun most certainly will not rise.  Allowing for creativity, curiosity, and other natural motivators mixed with a good dose of disciplined study leads to the joyful homeschooling that I am tirelessly seeking. I'm so glad that my plans don't always work out.  God's plans are way more rewarding! I wonder if I'll remember this next August when I'm salivating over my self-published, colorful, and fresh-smelling (you know you can tell if it's a good book by its smell!) home school and life planner.  Nope, that would be breaking tradition.

Keeping On

Rejoice in hope, endure in suffering, persist in prayer. Romans 12:12

Life is filled with steep mountains, treacherous footpaths, and delightful, easy meadows. Depending upon the specific circumstances that you are finding yourself in, you can probably line up your daily life on one of these landscapes. It seems that many days in life can be likened to a steep mountain...not necessarily treacherous, but definitely challenging and requiring focused attention to get through the day somewhat unscathed. Daily-ness. Bills to pay, sick kids to nurse, meals to cook, stress to manage. We all can relate.

Then there are the footpaths that have venomous snakes, thorns, and cliffs along the way. This landscape accurately portrays those extraordinarily hard times we all must experience throughout our time on this earth -- some more than others. Certainly there have been portions of my life-journey that would have to be called treacherous, such as when I gave birth to a still born baby girl, or was climbing the danger-infested trail of breast cancer, among other hardships, devastations, and trials.
      But God is always faithful to grant a day here and there when I feel as though I am exuberantly skipping through a vibrant flowering meadow as I feel the healing sunshine warming my upturned face. You know those days. The ones where you spirit seems to be able to focus on the positive aspects of life. Your circumstances are somewhat in a calm state, your husband can do no wrong and those delightful children that you have...how did you get so blessed?! 
      From my own experience, I would have to say that the majority of my days are spent plodding up the mountainside, trying to be faithful, trying to keep my footing sure, and not taking too many rest breaks. My goal is the summit. Where is or what is the summit, you ask? Well, I'm not too sure, but I keep seeing glints of it as I strain my eyes to see where I am headed. My spiritual vision is detecting a smiling Jesus (my Shepherd) leading the way. He continues to beckon, lead, support, strengthen, and climb just ahead of me. He's not behind me pushing me along, but He's going just ahead, preparing the path that is just for me, scattering His promises along the way like vibrant petals of hope to encourage and capture my gaze. His intimate and very personal songs are echoing in my ears as I endeavor to stay as close to the hem of his garment as possible so as not to get distracted by fears or temptations. He makes sure that there aren't more briars and thorns than are needed to keep me dependent upon Him. 
     Of course, too many bright, open meadows would only cause me to slow down or stall and become soft and weak. His loving plans are too big and He loves me too much to allow that. He's building my endurance through the constant climb and preparing me in every way for my future trails, transforming me ever-so-slowly-but-surely for eternity.
     I'm so grateful that life isn't a rose garden with a cushioned bench to recline on. The rugged wild terrain of the uncharted and adventurous mountains is what requires hard work, faith, endurance and fortitude! The reward lies in the distance...at the pinnacle of the peak. There is an abundance of sustaining grace and joy on the journey, even on the most rocky and life-threatening paths. When I reach that summit, it will be so worth it all!
     I am keeping on. Are you with me?

Are You A Builder?

"Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the
foolish plucketh it down with her hands." Prov. 14:1 (KJV)

Do you remember the childhood game "Pick Up Sticks"? I would dump out that container of long, slender plastic sticks resembling skewers. The object of the game was to see how many sticks you could slide out of the pile, one-at-a-time, without moving another stick and without collapsing the pile. No matter how slowly and carefully I pulled out individual sticks, it was inevitable that I would collapse the pile, even though my goal was to win the game.

That old game paints a picture in my mind of what I will do to my home and family if I am not consciously building them up by God's wisdom rather than my own human wisdom. There have been many occasions (I hate to admit!) when I intended to build my home, but in reality, I was plucking down its walls, one stick at a time. There were times when I would insist on my own way because I believed my way was best. Thinking that I was laying a new brick in constructing my home, I was actually plucking an old one out of the foundation instead. My motives were impure and self-centered (ugh!). Maybe I had good intentions, but I was getting ahead of God's timing and just trying to manipulate the people around me so that they would get in line with what I felt God wanted in our life. I played a pretty good "Holy Spirit Assistant".

My good intentions to "build a house for Jesus" is quickly undermined when I "constructively" criticize my husband's efforts and always expect him to do better or be more spiritual. This type of "foolish plucking" is not "wise building" and will result in a sub-quality, dilapidated, poorly constructed structure. Disciplining my child in anger is one more sure way to pluck away at the home I am called upon to build.

What building blocks would be cemented solidly in place if instead of griping, we thanked our husband for all of his hard work and displayed a grateful and gracious attitude in our home? How strong would the walls be if we identified with our children's failures and came alongside them and acknowledged that we understand and struggle, too? How strong would our home become if we turned our frustrations and disappointments into prayers and petitions to God, choosing to love and OLAT (a saying in our home...OverLook A Transgression)?

Okay, now ladies, let's commit to memory these two important carpentry terms to be successful home constructionists! Ready? A wise woman BUILDS. A foolish woman PLUCKS.

Where Do I Go From Here?

"And be not conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect."

Romans 12:2 (NASB)

What's that I see on the foggy horizon up ahead? Ah, yes, the proverbial fork in the road. Many times in our life we come to a place where we must make hard choices as to which direction we'll go. This-a-way or that-a-way. A popular phrase keeps resurfacing every where I turn lately. Season Of Life. I agree that it's important to reflect upon what "season of life' I'm currently in as I endeavor to discern what my priorities should be. Am I a young mother with little children underfoot? Probably not the most opportune time to try to go back to college. Or am I an "empty nester" trying to figure out what my purpose is now that my children are out of the house? This may be the perfect time to begin that new business venture that I've always dreamed of.

The problem is that some of us are in more than one season at the same time. I have a friend who is expecting her 12th baby, yet also has adult children, teens, elementary aged kiddos, and a toddler or two. She's in at least three seasons simultaneously and will be for quite a while! God bless that woman! As for me, I have adult children, a teen, and a third grader, not to mention my three-year-old granddaughter who is at my house full-time. So I'm just not sure this "season of life" theory really helps me much. I'm thinking that I need to throw that season thing out the window and realize that I don't need to try to figure out if I'm in the middle of summer or approaching autumn.

Instead I need to look to the One who can light my path for the next step. There are times in life when pursuing a new hobby is just not going to happen because of where I am on the path. On the other hand, there may be shining, wide-open doors of opportunity that I am ignoring because of my fear of failure and fear of change. How convenient it can be to cast blame on my husband or children, job or lack of energy that hinders me from making the fervent and determined effort to move forward in life.

My prayer is that I will enthusiastically run toward that which is worth pursuing, casting aside the fear and smiling at the risks...embracing the dream that is in the center of God's will and timing. But I also need to ask the Lord to help me to trust Him enough to sit back and wait patiently when I don't sense His divine direction, instead of anxiously pushing down hurdles that were meant to protect me from disaster and sorrow. I love Psalm 27:14 which says "Wait on the LORD; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen you." The original meaning of "wait" means "TO BRAID". Isn't that so cool? When we're waiting on God, we're not just aimlessly wandering, sitting, or twiddling our thumbs. We are purposefully working, serving, praying, studying, giving, and anticipating what He has in store for us next. When we are waiting with this attitude, we can camp out on 1 Timothy 6:6 that confirms in our hearts that "Godliness with contentment is great gain." We can be excited about what is to come tomorrow and elated about what is here today.

You may feel that you're on a merry-go-round. Going nowhere fast. Still in the same "season" that you were five, ten, even twenty years ago. Still at the same job. Still at home raising kids, cleaning out closets, wiping noses, struggling just to make ends meet. Still wrestling with some of the same issues that were with you years ago. I can identify! The important question to ask yourself if you're in this position is, "Am I the same person I was back then?" The point isn't so much that you could be doing something different, new, and exciting. Lack of major change in our circumstances is not necessarily equivalent to being stagnant! The point is whether or not you've changed and grown into a better person. God usually works ever-so-slowly in His transforming work. Many a time He will keep us in the same place teaching us contentment, trust, and perseverance before He moves us on up the path to that inevitable fork in the road of life that presents new opportunities. Don't worry. Change will come. It always does. Let's aim for transformation.

Where Do I Begin?

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your path. Prov. 3:5 & 6

It's the New Year! Time for changes, resolutions, goals! It seems like I get the greatest number of inspirations for making a difference in my world when I'm on my elliptical listening to praise music. I reflect on the greatness of God and how much I want to get "accomplished" with my life to serve Him and to impact the people I love...that He loves. What are some of those aspirations that flood my head at that time? To list a few....learn to play the guitar so that I can sing the good news with my own accompaniment, get into a faithful workout schedule so that I'm healthy and energetic enough to put in long days doing interesting and meaningful activities, like homeschooling and nurturing my kids, writing books, and climbing mountains (this desire surfaced when we visited several national parks this summer and I saw the possibilities). Oh, then there is also learning to be an artistic and skilled quilter like my sister-in-law, and becoming an amateur expert on world history which I find fascinating. Of course, I want to manage my life well-enough to have time to maintain deep friendships, delve into deep Bible study, have a refreshing, lengthy prayer time each day, and take catnaps to avoid sleep deprivation. On top of all of these, I aspire to keep up with paying the bills, keeping the books for our business, and have quantity and quality time with my precious grandbabies. Hmmm....okay, so now that I see the bigger picture in writing, I realize my dilemma is visible for all to see. Why does "doing it all" seem a little easier when I'm dreaming of it on my elliptical? Could it be that the endorphines that are pulsing through my blood while I'm exercising make it seem more feasible to reach for the stars? How am I going to do it all? WHERE DO I BEGIN?

I want to do more and be more, but it seems like the mundane ends up taking so much time that I make very little progress on the path to great accomplishments. Sometimes, my pace seems slow as molasses as I try to get a little closer to where I think I want to be. My priorities, my callings, seem to be those repetitive and sometimes draining activities like laundry, meal preparation, grocery shopping, errand running, phone calls, and toilet cleaning (well, I'd be lying if I said I clean the toilet on a regular basis)! My hourly timeslots are filled with teaching math, resolving sibling conflicts, doing cut and glue activities with my child, sitting on the couch for the fourth time today in answer to the beckoned call of my awesomely talented granddaughter doing her "spinning dance" in the living room to the theme from "Peter Pan". Ughh, my husband is needing me to type an estimate right away or my daughter really needs a little help with her Algebra. Time to wipe up that spilled juice off the floor that I forgot about. Mmm. Wait a minute! It's coming into clearer focus. Now I'm seeing it. It's my perspective....and attitude that count. Am I doing all as "unto the Lord?" Do I "give thanks in all things?" Okay, now I'm remembering (the amazing middle-aged human mind!) that the investments I'm making now, no matter how small and no matter how sacrificial, will bring blessing for the future and even eternity. Keep sowing, sowing, sowing. Watering, watering, watering.

What does the Lord require of me? But to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with my God. (Micah 6:8) Maybe I am getting a little closer to my goals - God's goals - after all. I'm not referring to the external goals, but the internal ones that God so desires and even ordains that I attain. Yes, I suspect He's working very intentionally to get me to where He wants me to be through my daily pressures, disappointments, challenges, and long delays.

I don't know if I'll ever find time to master my strumming and maybe I won't get to go backpacking any time soon, but if I stay in the sweet flow of the Spirit, then all that I'm doing, however unglamorous, will be pleasing to Him, which will fill me with JOY! I think I'll go do something really important right now. Where is that dizzy granddaughter of mine? I may just need to pick her up off the floor again due to all of that spinning!