Captivity of Activity

 

  I am the vine, you are the branches: he who is in me at all times as I am in him, gives much fruit, because without me you are able to do nothing.

John 15:5 (BBE)

 

But Martha was distracted with all her preparations; and she came up to Him and said, "Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to do all the serving alone? Then tell her to help me."  But the Lord answered and said to her, "Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things; but only one thing is necessary, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her."

Luke 10:40-42 (NASB)


     If there is one issue that I have struggled with for all of my years of motherhood, it would be the issue of being wise in deciding how my 24 hours will be filled.  Once we started homeschooling and adding more children to the picture, it seemed absolutely impossible to have enough time to accomplish what I considered "the necessities", let alone any extra activities that might fall under the category of fun!  
    
     Even though I combined many of the children's lessons, allowed a good amount of independent learning, and avoided a lot of "busy work" that can create a worksheet wasteland, I still had to examine with a fine tooth comb all the activities that took my time and precious energy so that I could accomplish those things I felt called to without sacrificing unhurried moments that foster healthy, deep relationships.  
     
     There was one point in time when I sat down and calculated how much time my normal daily, weekly, and even infrequent activities took up so that I could measure what commitments were realistic and what were mere fantasy!  Would I really have time to crochet an afghan for that special someone before Christmas?  Did my free time add up to enough hours to allow myself a weekly guitar lesson and a 30 minute daily practice?  Would 45 minutes each day per student in Math truly leave enough time for other topics of study? What about the time away from home to attend basketball games or violin lessons? Would my daughter's SAT prep time be less fruitful because of the energy and time she would spend at youth group functions? And would that be a higher priority or not necessarily so? Were these things that I was actively choosing (or allowing by default) be worth the sacrifice of whatever I was choosing not to do? These were such hard questions. No black and white decisions. No one-size-fits-all answers!
     
     So here I am.  Decades later.  Still asking similar questions.  I don't have several students that I must juggle.  But my allotted time still seems to fill up like a jar being filled with sand; each tiny area of life allowing itself to be filled with something. Housework, learning activities, computer work, clerical duties, errands, phone calls, income generation (a.k.a. part-time job). 
     
     This weighed-down feeling that there's just too much to do and not enough time to do it all is not something new.  Jesus addressed this inner tug-of-war in His day, too. He commended Mary for choosing the "one" thing, the better thing, that couldn't be taken from her. The one thing that brings genuine peace, discernment, strength, joy, and new energy is available to us, too.  Like Mary, our time at Jesus' feet, learning of Him and His ways, as He teaches us about ourselves, is a crucial investment of time that we should not assume is optional.
 
     I'm definitely more of a Martha who wants to keep all of her ducks in a row.  Well, okay - everybody else's ducks, too! It is so easy for me to hit the floor running instead of having a rich time of restoration with God before I begin my day. I long to be one who sits at Jesus' feet before I get up to serve. I yearn for clarity of mind and mission so that I can let go of the "stuff" that I'm not supposed to be doing.  I don't want to sacrifice the best on the altar of the good.  I aspire to walk in the unforced rhythms of grace that God has set before me rather than madly scrambling to the next educational seminar, sports event, or ministry opportunity just so that we can say we did it. Or just because our friends are involved in it. Or just because everybody else seems to think it's important. I most definitely want to live in freedom from the captivity of activity!  
     
     Please don't misunderstand me.  I thrive on worthwhile activity, but I also crave(could it be God's design?)quiet times of reflection, rest, and just "being". Regularly. Might I even say daily? Not just a couple of times a year!  This life is passing by so quickly and I don't want it to blow past in a flurry of activity (doing, doing, doing), not even knowing what I've done with the gifts of time, unique talents, and treasures that have been granted to me - to use for others.  And I definitely don't want to misuse these valuable resources on things that I am doing because of trying to live up to others' expectations that our frenzied society has created. Thank you very much!

     Instead I'm choosing to thoughtfully contemplate my calling to love, serve, teach and help those specific people that God has strategically placed around me. I pray that I will respond to the heartfelt flame that He periodically ignites in my heart to give and serve a hurting world, even those on the other side of the globe. Kindling meaningful relationships that reflect the character of our Creator and cooperate with the fulfillment of His plan (not mine) is what it's all about.  To live this way successfully, I had better be filling my tank consistently with the life-sustaining fuel of God's love directly from Him, the True Vine, through prayer and meditating in His love letter to humanity!  He is the One who will give me wisdom to let go of those unprofitable wasters of time that can never be recovered.